How to Stop Losing Friends Over Politics: Six things to do, starting now

“There is always the danger that those who think alike should gravitate together into ‘coteries’ where they will henceforth encounter opposition only in the emasculated form of rumor that the outsiders say thus and thus. The absent are easily refuted, complacent dogmatism thrives, and differences of opinion are embittered by group hostility. Each group hears not the best, but the worst, that the other groups can say.”
― C.S. Lewis

“Anyone familiar with party systems has seen the disgust one party member is apt to show toward another whom he may really know nothing about other than that he is one of ‘the enemies.’ He cannot afford to know much about the person, for then he risks finding some redeeming feature in his enemy, and this is unacceptable. Any redemption for the enemy is a failure for propaganda which seeks separation between individuals; communion is defeat.”
― Daniel Schwindt

These are difficult and divided times. It seems like everything is political, and our thoughts and actions about them are determined by which camp we’re in. Wearing masks is political. Getting vaccinated is political. Standing during the national anthem is political. Many actors and celebrities are political, losing roles because of their views. Many churches are political.

Being “political” is one thing. Having views about issues that matter is important. But we’re taking it further. We’re not just political, we’re partisan, which is different … and dangerous. When I say “partisan” I’m referring to the mindset described in the quotes by Lewis and Schwindt above. Partisan is when we over-identify with our group, to the extent that we get blind to its failures and inconsistencies, and demonize those in “the other group.” Being political is normal and healthy … being partisan is abnormal and dangerous.

I can’t tell you how many people I know who’ve lost friends — and been alienated from family members — over political differences. The most visible recent example of this is Republican congressman Adam Kinzinger getting a scathing letter from his family — calling him an “embarassment to us and to God,” and accusing him of joining “the devil’s army” — after breaking with fellow Republicans to vote for the impeachment of Donald Trump. I suspect Thanksgiving Dinner might be a little awkward at the Kinzinger household this year.

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Here’s Why I No Longer Write or Interact on Social Media

I wrote this article for my email newsletter last year, so the podcast and documentary film I refer to are no longer “news.” In light of recent political developments, and incessant social media chatter, I thought I would post it on this website now, as a reminder of why I’m not sharing my views and interacting about the news of the day on social media. Who knows, maybe you’ll decide to join me.

Fake news spreads six times faster than true news.”

“If everyone is entitled to their own ‘facts’, then there’s really no need for people to come together. In fact, there’s really no need for people to interact at all.”

“The intention [for social media] could be to make the world better. But if technology creates mass chaos, loneliness, more polarization, more election hacking, more inability to focus on the real issues … then we’re toast. This is check-mate on humanity.”

Quotes from The Social Dilemma film 

There is a principle I’ve heard from software engineers: “Your system is perfectly designed to produce whatever results you’re getting.” What is happening to or around you is no accident … it’s the natural consequence of the system you’ve created. If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, your church, or your society, remember that these things didn’t “just happen.” All the various aspects of that life, church, or society are working together to produce those results. 

Right now, most everyone I talk to is deeply dismayed — and maybe genuinely frightened — by what they are seeing in our society: extreme polarization, division, cynicism, and social unrest. I’ve been writing about this for some time now, and I’ve been saying that our current environment of mass media, especially television and talk radio, and social media are a big part of the problem. They are an almost inescapable part of the fabric of our lives. They are how we understand and interact with the broader world. They are how we communicate with each other. 

And, I believe, they are very bad for us.

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Six Keys To Controlling Your Thoughts

“Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” ― James Allen 

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
― Francois de La Rochefoucauld

To what degree is it possible to control our thoughts? Our mental health and success in life may well depend on this ability. If we struggle with addiction — especially sex or pornography addiction — our recovery may well depend on it. Many of us struggle with negative thought patterns — sometimes even intrusive thoughts — which rob us of our peace of mind, and keep us from making progress.

Think about it: the roots of both depression and anxiety have to do with thoughts we can’t shake — whether those thoughts are related to fears of what might happen, or a general sense of things going wrong and/or life being pointless.  I understand that clinical depression and anxiety disorders have multiple factors, and may require extensive treatment, including therapy and medication. But many of us are “on the spectrum” for anxiety and/or depression. We may not be clinically anxious or depressed, but we struggle. The good news is that there are things we can do, as you’ll see in this article. 

With many forms of sex addiction, the problem also centers around our thoughts. We mull over fantasies, or we obsess over a person we desire. Our destructive actions arise from thoughts that center around lust, loneliness, insecurity, and fear. For some people, the essence of the sexual struggle is mainly in the mind: near constant obsessive and intrusive sexual thoughts. 

How do we change our thinking? How do we exert control over our wandering minds? Here are six keys that will change your life: 

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Why is Everybody so Anxious and Depressed?

“I have come to believe that without a strong sense of community human beings will wilt and begin to die. Community is the foundation of human society, the epitome of wholeness; in fact, the end of our journeying. As Parker Palmer writes: ‘Community means more than the comfort of souls. It means, and has always meant, the survival of the species.’ Without a continuing and enriching experience of community, as well as a vision of its glory to keep us moving forward, all of us eventually perish.”  ― David Clark

Why is everybody so unhappy and anxious these days? I’ve written about this before: mental disorders — especially ADA (anxiety, depression, and addiction) — have become a pandemic in our society. 

In this article, I’d like to focus on the question: “How did we get here?” Why is it that ADA have gotten so out of control? I’m not proposing a complete answer, but I want to suggest that one of the primary causes is the rise of social isolation, disconnection, and alienation in our world.

Another way of saying that: it’s because of the breakdown of community. 

And this breakdown includes not simply a loss of human connection, but for many it also involves the loss of spiritual connection as well. We are witnessing a massive breakdown of spiritual community in our time … not just families, neighborhoods, and communities. And it’s literally killing us. 

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