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“There is always the danger that those who think alike should gravitate together into ‘coteries’ where they will henceforth encounter opposition only in the emasculated form of rumor that the outsiders say thus and thus. The absent are easily refuted, complacent dogmatism thrives, and differences of opinion are embittered by group hostility. Each group hears not the best, but the worst, that the other groups can say.”
― C.S. Lewis
“Anyone familiar with party systems has seen the disgust one party member is apt to show toward another whom he may really know nothing about other than that he is one of ‘the enemies.’ He cannot afford to know much about the person, for then he risks finding some redeeming feature in his enemy, and this is unacceptable. Any redemption for the enemy is a failure for propaganda which seeks separation between individuals; communion is defeat.”
― Daniel Schwindt
These are difficult and divided times. It seems like everything is political, and our thoughts and actions about them are determined by which camp we’re in. Wearing masks is political. Getting vaccinated is political. Standing during the national anthem is political. Many actors and celebrities are political, losing roles because of their views. Many churches are political.
Being “political” is one thing. Having views about issues that matter is important. But we’re taking it further. We’re not just political, we’re partisan, which is different … and dangerous. When I say “partisan” I’m referring to the mindset described in the quotes by Lewis and Schwindt above. Partisan is when we over-identify with our group, to the extent that we get blind to its failures and inconsistencies, and demonize those in “the other group.” Being political is normal and healthy … being partisan is abnormal and dangerous.
I can’t tell you how many people I know who’ve lost friends — and been alienated from family members — over political differences. The most visible recent example of this is Republican congressman Adam Kinzinger getting a scathing letter from his family — calling him an “embarassment to us and to God,” and accusing him of joining “the devil’s army” — after breaking with fellow Republicans to vote for the impeachment of Donald Trump. I suspect Thanksgiving Dinner might be a little awkward at the Kinzinger household this year.Continue reading “How to Stop Losing Friends Over Politics: Six things to do, starting now”
I wrote this article for my email newsletter last year, so the podcast and documentary film I refer to are no longer “news.” In light of recent political developments, and incessant social media chatter, I thought I would post it on this website now, as a reminder of why I’m not sharing my views and interacting about the news of the day on social media. Who knows, maybe you’ll decide to join me.
“Fake news spreads six times faster than true news.”
“If everyone is entitled to their own ‘facts’, then there’s really no need for people to come together. In fact, there’s really no need for people to interact at all.”
“The intention [for social media] could be to make the world better. But if technology creates mass chaos, loneliness, more polarization, more election hacking, more inability to focus on the real issues … then we’re toast. This is check-mate on humanity.”Quotes from The Social Dilemma film
There is a principle I’ve heard from software engineers: “Your system is perfectly designed to produce whatever results you’re getting.” What is happening to or around you is no accident … it’s the natural consequence of the system you’ve created. If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, your church, or your society, remember that these things didn’t “just happen.” All the various aspects of that life, church, or society are working together to produce those results.
Right now, most everyone I talk to is deeply dismayed — and maybe genuinely frightened — by what they are seeing in our society: extreme polarization, division, cynicism, and social unrest. I’ve been writing about this for some time now, and I’ve been saying that our current environment of mass media, especially television and talk radio, and social media are a big part of the problem. They are an almost inescapable part of the fabric of our lives. They are how we understand and interact with the broader world. They are how we communicate with each other.
And, I believe, they are very bad for us.Continue reading “Here’s Why I No Longer Write or Interact on Social Media”
Loneliness is a big problem, and the pandemic is making it worse. Here’s how an article on Vox puts it:
The coronavirus pandemic has created a loneliness epidemic. Social distancing, while necessary from a public health standpoint, has caused a collapse in social contact among family, friends, and entire communities — one that is particularly hard on populations already most vulnerable to isolation.
But Americans were experiencing a loneliness crisis long before anyone had heard of Covid-19. In a 2018 report by the Kaiser Family Foundation, 22 percent of all adults in the US — almost 60 million Americans — said they often or always felt lonely or socially isolated. The problem is even more concentrated among older adults: A major National Academies of Sciences report from February found that a little more than a third of adults over the age of 45, and 43 percent of adults over 60, felt lonely (other surveys have returned similar results).
Loneliness isn’t simply painful; it can be lethal. Several meta-analyses have found the mortality risk associated with chronic loneliness is higher than that of obesity and equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
The article goes on to interview former US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. Murthy’s new book, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, is about this loneliness epidemic that has taken hold across much of the Western world.Continue reading “Loneliness: The Pandemic Inside the Pandemic”
“The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”Douglas Wood
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”G.K. Chesterton
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”Melody Beattie
This year, the coronavirus is changing many of our plans for celebrating Thanksgiving. We are reducing the scope of — or abandoning altogether — our plans to get together with friends and family. At the same time, health and financial concerns, as well as the mental health challenges of these strange times are putting people in much less “thankful moods.”
So we need to focus on gratitude right now more than ever! Every year during this week, I try to get some time by myself to focus on gratitude, spending time in reflection, meditation, and prayer. I encourage people in my church, and clients I work with, to do the same. You might think of this as a personal mini-retreat. It could take just a few minutes, it could span more than an hour. Whatever works for you.Continue reading “Your Stay-at-Home Thanksgiving Mini-Retreat”
“To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.”― Stephen R. Covey
“What happens is of little significance compared with the stories we tell ourselves about what happens. Events matter little, only stories of events affect us.”― Rabih Alameddine
“The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up.”― Chuck Palahniuk
Much of what we focus on, in the ultimate scheme of things, doesn’t really matter. But there is one thing we must cultivate, and take care to never lose. It’s not often talked about, but its absence makes life especially hard today. Our world is confusing enough as it is — and without this quality, it becomes a nightmare.
What I’m talking about is a sense of proportion … a sense of perspective. I was reminded of this while reading James Allen’s book “Light on Life’s Difficulties.” Allen lived in England around the turn of the 20th century, and wrote many books, including the classic “As a Man Thinketh.” Don’t let the sexist, King-James-language title put you off: this is one of the all-time classic self-help books. It’s still in print, and well worth the read. “Light on Life’s Difficulties” has more of a focus on moral and spiritual teaching. It was the last book Allen wrote, and published in 1912, the year of his death.
What follows is what I call a remix of his chapter “Light on the Sense of Proportion.” By “remix” I mean it’s a combination of extended quote and revised and updated language. I include my own thoughts mixed in with the original author’s, as well as updating the language for today. Since Allen is long dead and the book is no longer in print, I don’t think he or his publishers will mind. Listen to what he has to say. I think you’ll find — as I did — how relevant these words from 1912 are for today:
In a nightmare there is no relation of one thing to another; all things are haphazard, and there is general confusion and misery. Wise people have likened the self-absorbed life to a nightmare; and there is a close resemblance between a selfish life, in which the sense of proportion is so far lost that things are only seen as they affect one’s own, self-absorbed aims, and in which there are feverish excitements and overwhelming troubles and disasters, and that state of troubled sleep known as nightmare.
In a nightmare too, the controlling will and perceiving intelligence are asleep; and in a self-absorbed life the better nature and spiritual perceptions are also locked in a kind of unconscious slumber.Continue reading “The One Thing You Cannot Afford to Lose”
“Saints cannot exist without a community, as they require, like all of us, nurturance by a people who, while often unfaithful, preserve the habits necessary to learn the story of God.”
– Stanley Hauerwas
“To build community requires vigilant awareness of the work we must continually do to undermine all the socialization that leads us to behave in ways that perpetuate domination.” – Bell Hooks
“There are people who are shocked and appalled to find out that there are other people in their congregation that have completely different views on the best way to handle a pandemic.” – Pastor Trevin Wax
Several years ago, the journalist Aaron Gell decided to write an article about a small, annual men’s gathering in upstate New York. So he went to the gathering, and got involved in the relationship network being created by it. He was impressed by their desire to not simply create an event, but an ongoing community. And he realized how rare that kind of community really is.Continue reading “We need support now more than ever … and it’s getting harder to find”