Sexual struggles, Spiritual Self Care
Why accountability partners don’t work
Most of the men I work with who are battling sexual temptation have a long history of failed attempts at overcoming their struggles. One of the most common strategies people in churches use is having an accountability partner. I have nothing against accountability partners … they just don’t work.
Listen to this recording – a short excerpt from an audio program called “The Spiritual Questions and Challenges of Recovery” – to find out why:
Show me a pornography or other type of sex addict who has an accountability partner – and is doing little else for his recovery – and I will show you someone who is struggling. Either acting out with whatever behaviors he’s dealing with, or hanging onto his sobriety with his fingernails and really struggling. Church leaders, spouses of strugglers, parents … please hear me on this … accountability is over-rated! It’s only part of the solution.
My fitness/health accountability partner DOES work: He’s my dog and I have to walk him at least three times a day. I think if you want to ‘add’ a behavior, accountability partners work great. If you want someone to help you STOP a behavior; I agree with you; accountability partners don’t have much power/don’t work.
I (for now) have overcome an eating disorder and smoking. My motivator: I wanted to be independent/free of addiction and prove to myself that I don’t smoke because I’m insecure – an accountability partner would have been useless. Thank goodness for reactance!
Nice analogy. Keep in mind that failing at keeping people engaged is what made Friendster and MySpace jump the shark. Enough said. It’s time for a glass of wine and my favorite sitcom.